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November 5, 2011

WiLl GoNe InSaNe: Flareon


WARNING:

THIS IS AN ARTICLE WITHIN A SERIES THAT CONTAINS OBSCENE LANGUAGE, SUGGESTIVE THEMES, AND MAY CONTAIN HONEST COMMON SENSE THAT MAY LEAVE THE STUPID WHINING AND FLAMING. WE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MAY BE UPSET BY THE CONTENT OF THIS ARTICLE.

TOO BAD WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT.


UGH, WUT UH FUCKING STOOPID PEECE UVV SHIT, AMIRITE?


Because Flareon is obviously the biggest piece of crap in the world, right? I mean, sheesh, 130 base Attack? 110 base Special Defense? Pffft, what a load of pucky. Other fire-type Pokémon like Heatmor, Torkoal, and Magcargo outclass it by a long shot, right?

...You actually thought I was being serious? No? Well thank you. I'm glad to see you were able to get the joke. As for the rest of you: continue reading, beause you're about to realize why you're as pretentious and ignorant as they come.

Flareon is a Pokémon that, since the very beginning, has been looked at as such a crappy Pokémon. People slander it, look down on it, and shit all over it because Flareon is obviously the worst Pokémon in the whole entire world. Are these people really that delusional? Assuming that, just because a Pokémon isn't as good as its other evolutons in the tree, that it sucks? Before you even start to think that, try to take into account for what Flareon shares with its other eeveeloutions:
  • Stat Values and Stat Total
  • Ability to let it absorb its own type of move (Only applies to the original three)
  • Priority
  • Curse + Wish + Baton Pass
  • Shadow Ball (While not amazing, it's still nice to see the option, as you'd never expect it at first)
That's quite a bit that Flareon has in common with its fellow brothers: 130 and 110 stats, cool ability, Priority, Baton Pass with lots of tools to abuse it with, and some nice default coverage options. I dunno, I think having all of that as a base to build any Pokémon would make it pretty usable. Why is it that people think Flareon sucks so much? Well, I can't just pop up a list of reasons that people give--

Oh wait, of course I can! And since this is a 14+ article, I can be a total prick whilst doing so! Yay! Let's start with a picture that some Deviantard used to "make fun of" Flareon. It's stupid, when you take it into perspective:


First of all, why the hell is Flareon, of all Pokémon, left there to die? It's obvious that this dumbass is copying the punchline form the Bidoof, Eevee, and Pikachu comic, since they're all in a box, free for the taking. When I'm getting a pet out of a box, I want one that looks cute, and doesn't look wrong or sick. These would be my initial thoughts on getting each eeveeloution as a pet:

  • JOLTEON: Ow, it pricked me with a spike!
  • VAPOREON: Who turned this cat into a fish....? I can't afford a tank that big. Is this kind of genetic engineering legal...?
  • ESPEON: That poor thing, it has a split tail and a red tumor on its forehead...
  • UMBREON: Why is this thing glowing...? It keeps me up at night. Fuck...
  • LEAFEON: This thing is growing leaves all over it. That CANNOT be healthy.
  • GLACEON: Ugh, it's too cold. I can't cuddle something COLD.
And then Flareon's would be...
  • FLAREON: It's so soft and fluffy! Plus, it's so warm!
And note that Flareon isn't even my favorite Eeveeloution. I like Jolteon because it looks cool, and Leafeon because of its neat stat spread. Flareon isn't my favorite, but hell, it looks cuter, cuddlier, and more keep-able as a pet, compared to the other mutant freaks. This picture doesn't even make sense. Why judge a pet based on how well it can abuse and murder other animals, you sick fucks?

Here's a quote from some OU rat on a Neoseeker forum. He says, and I quote:

"flareon never really goes first, and its only two good stats are attack and spD
if youre using a flareon ingame then it is ok
over wifi flareon is unusable"

You can tell that this guy only plays in OU. He says that, online, Flareon is unusable. In OU, sure it is, but Wifi DOESN'T equal OU. You can obviously play by any tier you want, as long as you arrange it to be played so beforehand with the opponent, so I don't see the truth in this post. In NU, Flareon does fine; it's in mid-tier, in terms of use and usefulness. It has some good strong attacks to fend off the Piison, Bug, and Grass-types that lie here, but can get demolished by other Fire-types and weaknesses. Flareon was never bad; it could just never perform in the standard environment. Dumbshits.

Forte.EXE from Smogon's shitty forum says:

"Flareon can't learn Flare Blitz. Only GOOD Pokemon learn Flare Blitz, like Arcanine."

If you asked the OU-obsessed tard above you, it'd be safe to assume that Arcanine and Flareon both suck, all the same. And I think this is where the whole Flareon thing gets convoluted and stupid: people's perspectives on the metagame, as a whole, speak for the Pokémon. Flareon has been ridiculed for looks(?), movepool, and for being outclassed. Being outclassed usually doesn't matter in tiers, movepool isn't really a big deal if you still bruise everything with 130 base Attack, and looks are completely relative to one's own opinion. There's no unanimous argument against Flareon, and I feel that's why Flareon gets shit on so much: everyone's fighting to make a point, despite if the point is even there to make.

IcyMan28 at Smogon says, in an attempt to brainstorm set ideas:

"Maybe a set like Flareon@LO + Nitro Charge / Fire Blast / HP Grass / Superpower could work?"

Fuck, I hate when Smogonites write like this. It reminds me of L33T SP34K. It's funny to notice how much Smogonites resemble CoD players who bitch and scream and speak their own language online. Anyway, this is a half-assed set in itself. The set itself is okay; a typical set attempt, but look at that: "LO". AKA, Like Orb. Didn't I mention on my Larvesta profile that Life Orb on Flame Charge is retarded, because the setup damages you? It SEEMS okay, but since you decide to set up Speed instead of Will-O-Wisp Walling, you sacrifice and overlook the Defense, which is truly Flareon's fall from grace. The Speed is fine, but it just needs to be bulkier. it doesn't need to set up shit unless it's Wish-Passing. Jeez.

Grammarian from Smogon says:

"To be fair, I don't think Flareon would have a rise in usage even if it received Flare Blitz as Flareon's HP and Speed is much to low to utilize it."

"too", not "to". Why would it be too low to utilize? It'd just make a nice Wallbreaker to use in NU competing with Rampardos. That's like saying Light Ball Pikachu with Volt Tackle sucks. It may seem unorthodox, but it's great for Wallbreaking. Since most Wallbreaker sets are suicidal, it works and is viable for pounding the snot into a tough opponent. Plus, it doesn't have Flare Blitz, you're not contributing to the thread, and you're just making up more reasons to hate Flareon. This is a prime example of what we would call a "hater".


Ugh, all this hate is making me sick, so let's just get on with how to make Flareon good. This is all you need to do:

WILL-O-WISP (Burns the opponent, effectively halving their Attack)

FIRE FANG (STAB; Fire Fang is physical, so use it to allow for easy EVs)

WISH (Heals HP)

RETURN / BITE / DIG (Coverage; have it be neutral, Dark-type, or Ground-type)

RECOMMENDED ITEM: Leftovers

RECOMMENDED NATURE: Impish

RECOMMENDED EV SPREAD: / 252 HP / 130 Attack / 126 Defense /

Let's face it, because Flareon is pretty similar to most Fire-types: It can do okay with this set, but don't be a dumbass when using it. Don't challenge priority holders with it, don't challenge bulky waters, and don't challenge stalls. Doing that is just bringing out those bad qualities in Flareon. Flareon is great for ruining NU tanks like Aggron and Steelix. 

With this spread and stuff, Flareon will be boasting about 170-180 Defense, something like that. Either way, it's not that much. But with Will-O-Wisp in there, that will create an illusory 340-360 Defense (has to be relative to Attack stats beforehand, of course), AKA, 115-120 base Defense. And lemme tell ya, 65/120/110 Defenses are pretty decent with recovery! From there, turn Flareon into a bulky sweeper by attacking with some nice moves. Fire Fang is great, playing off of about 360 Attack in NU, and Bite, Return, and Dig would all prove to be useful tools among the oddball contenders.

Let Flareon be a prime late-gamer bulk sweeper, because it functions okay this way. Even use a Special set if you want; since when was 95 base Special Attack bad? Because it's not 130? Quit whining, because it's still better than Delibird and Masquerain, whom are two Pokémon that get less hate than Flareon. Fuck, it's better than A LOT of NU Pokémon, so I don't see how it sucks. Think of it like this: People say that Flareon and Luvdisc both suck. There's never a omparison among the two, so the instant negative image of Flareon just gets stickered on with Luvdisc's caliber, even though Flareon, a Fire-type, could STILL probably kick that shitbag's ass.

You never hear kids complaining about how Flareon sucks and that they hate it, because they like Flareon; it evolves from Eevee, it's a Fire-type, and it's cuddly and cute. It's a lgitimately COOL Pokémon. That only leaves the metagamers to blame for the hate, and it's because it comes from them. Metagamers feel to jump at any chance they can to insult a Pokémon they feel is bad. Let's summarize all the mistakes these twats have made in judging Flareon:
  • It's ugly, apparently.
  • It has a bad movepool.
  • It has shitty stats.
  • NO FLARE BLITZ OH NOES!!!1!!111!!111!ONE11!!1!1
  • It fails at battling on Wifi (The aspie meant OU)
I like this one because it's actually funny and feels like an honest joke.


You want some legitimate reasons why Flareon is held back? Defense AND Speed is lacking (If it was better in either one, it'd be awesome), a Stealth Rock weakness, and a lack of  strong STAB move. People make it seem like this is a fucking catastrophe; like it's the end of the world. It's not. And Flareon doesn't suck.

I hate tiers, but it does some Pokémon justice. Flareon simply isn't effective enough to fight the big bad boys like Conkeldurr and Cofagrigus, so he was tiered lowly so that he could do okay. THAT'S what tiering is. You don't tier a Pokémon based on how good or bad it is (Shut up, Delcatty...), you tier a Pokémon based on where it fits in the groups. I keep trying to emphasize this to people lately, and nobody seems to be listening, and y'know why? THAT'S why. These fuckers are to blame.

Use Flareon. Use Beedrill. Use Keldeo. Tiers ar elike little groups based on performance. Do you laugh at 4th-graders and tell them they suck because they're lower than the 6th-graders? Fuck no, they just aren't developed enough for that grouping. Some students in grades do better than others, and if they pick up enough extras before the end of the year, they move up a grade. It SHOULD be the exact same with Pokémon and these shitty tiers. 

Stop thinking with the grand scale in mind, and think within the tier. In life, you'll never get far with big dreams alone; you need to do the work to prove that you can do well with what you have at that moment, and try to move forward from there. That's my message about the tiers, and I say that, because that exact bullshit attitude is why Flareon is hated so much; apparently, Flareon has to be God, or it can't be anything.

If you're reading this right now, I want you to do one thing for me: Go here, and hit up the boards with "STUNFISK FOR OU!" threads. Just do it. It's childish and stupid, but just do it. Make it sound confident and convincing too, to make it sound like you're being honest. read the responses and laugh. If you decide to do this, and you already see that a reader ha posted the thread, do it anyway. If everyone who reads this article posts an honest thread explaining why Stunfisk should be in OU, it would...

Okay, it would do no justice, but it'd just be fun to mock the tiers and those stupid shits!


~WILL
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